Melinda Kim, Founder for Aspirely.com chats with author, host, speaker and surfer Vidette Vanderweide about her heart dropping journey to discovery, reinvention and becoming a S.O.U.L Mama.
Melinda: I downloaded your book in my iPhone and I was really impressed with your writing because I really felt like you were telling my story. There was a point where you were in your car where you were dropping the kids off at school, and you broke down crying. You realized that this is not the life you had imagined and I personally went through the same thing. I felt like I chased “things” all my life and at one point, I also broke down and the only thing I could say to myself was, “I can’t”! I felt an overwhelming feeling of not wanting my life, and that was so scary!
Vidette: I talk about in Soul Mama that even prior to that moment, I’ve had these feelings of “something’s off”. I didn’t know what to do to understand those feelings. In today’s society, we live in a culture where we go to school, get a great job, get married…. But I find myself still saying, “Why isn’t this feeling good?” I went through many jobs, lived in 5 different cities. Like you were saying earlier, I was chasing stuff and checking things off my list. That pivotal day when I broke down, it was a normal day. Nothing unusual happened. I was just overcome with emotion, finally I said out loud, “I can’t believe this is my life.” There’s something to be said when we hear ourselves say something like that. I felt guilty, I had two beautiful boys and this great job. So I wondered why I wasn’t happy and thought something was wrong with me! I think that many women go through it but we just didn’t know what to do?
Melinda: I completely went through that journey and I haven’t had the guts to write or really talk about it in public. I felt at one point as if I had rejected my life. I’ve checked off all the “things” I was supposed to do and then wondered, “now what?”
Vidette: My message of reinvention comes at any given time when we come to a certain point in our lives. I find that I’ll always reinvent my life. It’s not about negating your husband or children. It’s simply taking a step back and re-evaluation what’s working and what’s not working in our lives. Reinvention is identifying which areas of our lives need to be leveled up. Then… when we stay in alignment with our purpose and understand what we really want to do instead of what we’re supposed to do.
Melinda: How did you sort it all out? A lot of women wouldn’t know what to do at that point. What did you do?
Vidette: I wish I could say that day made me change right away, but it didn’t. That whispers within me have been trying to speak to me for a very long time and I continued to ignore her. 4 months later is when my life fell down around me, and that’s when I talk about walking in on my husband with another woman. That’s when I realized that something REALLY needed to change and at that point, I didn’t know how to change things. I just started doing things and making decisions differently. That’s also when I started listening to my inner Soul Mama! After 4 years in that journey, I realized my process and journey. That’s what I teach now, I developed a tangible process so I can help other women get through this difficult journey.
Melinda: And that’s perfect! So many other women would love that. I’ve had many conversations about that “initiation” point. Did you go to any mentors or friends you went to through your journey?
Vidette: I found mentors, because at that time, my friends and I would go out to dinners and I didn’t want to be the imperfect one. Everyone else’s lives seemed perfect. I found more comfort with people who didn’t know me. I found mentors who would specific help me with certain areas in my life. I needed to let go of a lot of toxic things in my life. I really started to spend money, time and invested in myself. I didn’t know what was wrong, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I needed help with next steps.
Someone gave me the advice of finding people who are doing what you want to do and go learn from them. So I found amazing mentors who’s been there and done that.
Melinda: So what advice would you give women who may not have the financial resources to hire coaches or mentors? What would you suggest?
Vidette: A few things come to mind. There’s a lot of people sharing beautiful valuable content online and workshops. There are a lot of resources and actually sometimes too much! But if you want it bad enough, you’ll find the resources. This may sound hard core but, just find the money because it’s worth it! Start out with the free stuff and get some self-help books. Choose the strategies that call to you and just start implementing them. Just choose 1 strategy and do things differently. Then when the opportunity comes, hire something to advance you further.
Great advice! Start with the free stuff… Definitely start with what strategies or resources that calls out to you because that’s your intuition talking to you. Once you start doing things differently, different opportunities will open up and your path will be changed forever.